Skip to content

Selfmadevip
Here is what our members say about us...
"The Greatest Value in SelfMadeVIP is not what I GET. Is what I Become after what I get here. It helps to make real the purpose of my life."
Brainy, 03 Dec 2007 More testimonials can be found here

When do you think is the best time to have a girlfriend?

Talking about anything that doesn't fit into other categories of this personal development forum

Moderator : developing_success


 

When do you think is the best time to have a girlfriend?

Post by sky on Wed Jun 25, 2008 12:14 pm

Anytime you can afford one right Dunno.

Well, I have my own philosophy in this regard.
In short, I really dont fancy having a girlfriend till I have done sufficient work on myself. Till I have dealt with my inner demons. Till I have made peace with my ownself. Till I have learnt to be comfortable with just myself. As David De Angelo would say till I have developed my inner game to a sufficient extent.

Why Because if you just keep aside the physical aspect of the relationship for a moment, you will realise than for a relationship to blossom in true sense and have have meaning and depth it requires TWO healthy, stable individuals. TWO balanced and mature individuals come together and co-create something which gives pleasure on all different levels to both.

It is not as if we are going to find a wonderful Girl who is going to complete us Fill up the void within us that we are so terrified to confront on our own. Its not as if she will come into our life and all our difficulties will be washed away (and vice versa for her). It never happens this way in real life.

Relationship is not about two highly incomplete, and immature, approval seeking individuals coming together and making up for each others deficiencies. In fact it is quite the reverse. When we get into a relation without resolving our inner issues and keep ignoring them, then somehow due to the relationship itself the unresolved issues gain much greater prominence. They become much more apparent. And this puts strain on the relationship. And thus instead of helping us express our magnificent self without any inhibitions, we become even more closed up, seeking approval from external sources all the time, completely ignoring the voice of reason and wisdom within us. Such relations are rarely successful and even though they may survive for a long period of time but they still bring mostly misery to both the individuals.

So, basically the best thing we can do for a beautiful and loving relationship with a real quality girl is this:
Work on your own self like crazy. Forget the girl for now. The time will come. But for now Work on yourself like crazy. On all the levels. On all the different aspects. Physically, Emotionally, Psychologically, Career wise. Spruce up your social life. Develop worth while hobbies and so on.
All this will serve you much better than searching for the best 'technique' or for the best 'pickup line' to 'score' the girl of your dreams.' Instead of trying to be a pick-up artist who tries to pick-up girls be a different kind of Pick up artsist. One who is totally committed to picking himself from the rut. Yes. Pick your ownself up before you think about picking up the girl. you will be glad that you did so.

Any comments and suggestions are welcome. :D
shanty
User avatar
sky
SMV Club
SMV Club
 
Posts: 158
Thanks: 164
Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2007 1:55 am

Re: When do you think is the best time to have a girlfriend?

Post by qnn on Wed Jul 02, 2008 8:59 pm

I can also feel a disappointment or dissatisfaction in your tone... You have found bunch of reasons not to have a girlfriend. I think such way of thinking is just limiting yourself.

Now to my point...

shanty wrote:Relationship is not about two highly incomplete, and immature, approval seeking individuals coming together and making up for each others deficiencies.


Not all girls are incomplete, and immature, approval seeking individuals. Some girls are with healthy mindset and emotionally balanced... and they can be very good for incomplete man...

Are you familiar with saying: 'Behind every great man there's a great woman'

The citation was printed in the Texas newspaper in 1946. This was headed - "Meryll Frost - 'Most courageous athlete of 1945'":

"As he received his trophy, the plucky quarterback unfolded the story of how he 'came back'. He said 'They say behind every great man there's a woman. While I'm not a great man, there's a great woman behind me.'"

A good girlfriend can do wonders with man. By good, I mean emotionally balanced and with healthy lifestyle. This kind of girlfriend can provide you crucial emotional support when needed and motivate you to take care of yourself as well.

There are so many examples of how gf can actually improve your life. If your social life is going trough rough times itA ' s good when your gf drags you to social gatherings or, when you have a gf, you always want her to look the most beautiful and buy her moust precious stuff. That makes you work hard and improve your finances... etc... etc...

ThatA ' s why some men, who break up from long term relationships, sink to bottom... they lose goals, start drinking, kill the career etc - itA ' s because they donA ' t have nobody to improve themselves for anymore. ItA ' s very destructive habit, but itA ' s completely another topic...
Anyway. it's just matter of finding that good gf and it won't happen on its own. You do not have to make it your priority, but when a lovely girl, who you might be attracted to, comes along, do your best. That will improve your PUA skills as well..

So, are you just looking for excuses not to have gf Can you tell me when exactly are you ready for gf After all, how do you know you have done sufficient work on yourself It's not like that you wake up one morning and feel, okay now I'm ready. :D And even if you do, you will find that you are not because you left this area of your life without attention...
qnn
Sponsor
Sponsor
 
Posts: 28
Thanks: 7
Joined: Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:38 pm
Location: Montreal, Canada

Re: When do you think is the best time to have a girlfriend?

Post by sky on Wed Jul 02, 2008 9:28 pm

:(

are you a girl :blink:

Shanty

PS: I will post my elaborate reply later :!:
User avatar
sky
SMV Club
SMV Club
 
Posts: 158
Thanks: 164
Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2007 1:55 am

Re: When do you think is the best time to have a girlfriend?

Post by qnn on Thu Jul 03, 2008 7:07 am

No! :D I just have healthy mindset and I do not think all girls are dangerous creatures.

Have you ever had quality gf or gf at all It just seems that you have negative mindset towards all relationships... You want to improve but leave one area of your life completely out...

Anyway. let me try to explain myself better...

shanty wrote: for a relationship to blossom in true sense and have have meaning and depth it requires TWO healthy, stable individuals.


ItA ' s true but guess what, when you donA ' t have this area of your life handled, you are not complete...

Let's say one day you feel you feel complete and you got your life together. You have enough money, you have learnt many new things and feel well in every possible way. Do you think you can miraculously pick up any girl then Wrong!

When you are not natural when it comes to picking up women, which I assume youA ' re not, as you talk about lot of PUA stuff, you will find that you are still weak in this area of your life.

You will most probably be still attractive to incomplete, and immature, approval seeking girls who want to suck you out of life. A quality girl who is intelligent with healthy mindset and emotionally balanced wants a man that knows how to handle women. This can only come from experience. It you leave this area of your life without attention, experience is nowhere to come...

I am not saying to go out and get yourself a gf. Far from that... It shouldnA ' t be the most important thing in your life but itA ' s just silly to reject possibility of having a gf. There are many benefits of having a gf. Read the other post uder Social & Dating. There are also cons but I am trying to oppose your view right now...
qnn
Sponsor
Sponsor
 
Posts: 28
Thanks: 7
Joined: Fri Nov 30, 2007 2:38 pm
Location: Montreal, Canada

Re: When do you think is the best time to have a girlfriend?

Post by sky on Thu Jul 03, 2008 9:21 am

qnn wrote:Not all girls are incomplete, and immature, approval seeking individuals. Some girls are with healthy mindset and emotionally balanced... and they can be very good for incomplete man...


Sorry. I dont agree with this. Quality girl + Incomplete, immature man --> No Go. A man who is not aware of his life's priorities will tend to be needy and clingy. Girls can sense that and it is a huge turn off. If you want to have Fun with the Girl then you must be capable of having Fun on your own.

qnn wrote:Are you familiar with saying: 'Behind every great man there's a great woman'


This to me is a massive oversweeping generalisation. Successful men come in all forms, shapes, situations. Not all have women behind them as a pillar of support.

qnn wrote:There are so many examples of how gf can actually improve your life. If your social life is going trough rough times itA ' s good when your gf drags you to social gatherings or, when you have a gf, you always want her to look the most beautiful and buy her moust precious stuff. That makes you work hard and improve your finances... etc... etc...


There is another way of looking at these things.
She unnecessarily drags you to superficial social gatherings --> sucking your valuable time
You buy her gifts and presents ---> You splurge money on her unnecesarily
If she is the motivation behind you working hard then you have not yet identified the purpose of your life. Bad.

qnn wrote:ThatA ' s why some men, who break up from long term relationships, sink to bottom... they lose goals, start drinking, kill the career etc - itA ' s because they donA ' t have nobody to improve themselves for anymore. ItA ' s very destructive habit, but itA ' s completely another topic...


they do not sink to the bottom just because the girl left them and they no longer have emotional support. It is because they invested too heavily in the girl without thinking. They made her the number one priority in their lives and everything else was secondary. They are unhappy because rather than working on themselves and progressing towards self actualisaion they spent all their time/resources on the girl. they became needy, clingy, desperate. Girl realised this and left.

qnn wrote:So, are you just looking for excuses not to have gf Can you tell me when exactly are you ready for gf After all, how do you know you have done sufficient work on yourself It's not like that you wake up one morning and feel, okay now I'm ready. :D And even if you do, you will find that you are not because you left this area of your life without attention...


I have my short term financial goals in all the fields- social, financial, physical, psychological. Those are concrete and easily identifiable. So I will know when I have reached the level of self development that I wanted and then I would go out and get a girlfriend. Whats wrong with this

Just because I dont have a girlfriend doesnt mean I have left this area of my life totally neglected. I know a lot about female psychology. Probably more than most other folks that have girlfriends. Seriously.

qnn wrote:No! :D I just have healthy mindset and I do not think all girls are dangerous creatures.


I also do not fear girls. Just because I dont have a gf doesnt mean I dont have friends who happen to be girls. :D

qnn wrote:Let's say one day you feel you feel complete and you got your life together. You have enough money, you have learnt many new things and feel well in every possible way. Do you think you can miraculously pick up any girl then Wrong!


If I get other areas of my life handled and have developed a sense of belief and core confidence then yes, this miracle just might happen. :wink:
qnn wrote:You will most probably be still attractive to incomplete, and immature, approval seeking girls who want to suck you out of life. A quality girl who is intelligent with healthy mindset and emotionally balanced wants a man that knows how to handle women. This can only come from experience. It you leave this area of your life without attention, experience is nowhere to come...


True. But I am not leaving this area completely unattended. I know stuff.
qnn wrote:I am not saying to go out and get yourself a gf. Far from that... It shouldnA ' t be the most important thing in your life but itA ' s just silly to reject possibility of having a gf. There are many benefits of having a gf. Read the other post uder Social & Dating. There are also cons but I am trying to oppose your view right now...


Again you yourself admit that there are cons. And my line of reasoning is that this whole girlfriend thing is no childs play. this is some serious stuff. Rather than rushing headlong into it as most of us do we need some plan of action and strategy just like the other areas of our life. you need to be fully aware and prepared for what you are getting into. I have personally seen many of my friends throw away their dreams for their 'dreamgirl' (yeah !) only to be disappointed later on.

I am saying that one must keep increasing his value. Always. And not expect the girl to wash away his troubles. If she helps then its a bonus otherwise you already had the bases covered. As they say -' Hope for the best but prepare for the worst'

--------------------------
Now my story:
I used to fantasize about a girl about 2 years back
Image
and then she went away
Image
And I have been picking up the myriad pieces of my shattered heart ever since.
Image

j/k
shanty
Get Coached for FREE! More details here...

The list of my favorite books can be viewed here...
User avatar
sky
SMV Club
SMV Club
 
Posts: 158
Thanks: 164
Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2007 1:55 am

Facebook comments

Next

Return to General

 


  • Related topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests

Top Sections

cron