How to find confidence?

10:45 pm in Self-Development by admin

How to find confidence?
Posted On 08/17/2008 10:45:01 by real

So much in life depends on confidence. I heard many ideas from teachers I admire about what confidence is and how to develop it. Once again I came to the conclusion that everything in our mind is interconnected and interrelated, and there are many ways to explain and approach this particular topic. I mean that confidence is not something you can or should separately work on but rather an aspect that gets improved when you work on yourself on the whole.

Let us first see a definition of what confidence is considered to be. According to Wikipedia, “Confidence is (…) a state of being certain, either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct, or that a chosen course of action is the best (…). Confidence can be described as a subjective, emotional state of mind, but is also represented statistically as a confidence level within which one may be certain that a hypothesis will either be rejected or deemed plausible.”

According to the law of attraction [The Secret] your emotions guide you on the path towards your goals. Negative emotions indicate that you are off your path, while positive emotions indicate that you are on your path and in alignment with your true desire. Many other teachers state that the very basic emotions are fear (negative) and love (positive). All other emotions branch from these two.

In our society, fear of rejection and fear of failure are very common (for instance, fear of rejection is the emotion that hinders you to give a committed answer). Thus, you have to actually cope with your fear to gain confidence.

A common suggestion how to gain confidence is to educate you. You have to understand your fear in order to work on it. More specific suggestion is “to feel the fear and do it anyway”. Stretch yourself, put yourself intentionally in situations where you inescapable have to face your fear [Anthony Robbins]. Expand your comfort zone deliberately! For instance, go selling vacuum cleaners or insurance from door to door, get rejected and see that it is okay to be rejected. I bet, without confidence you will not sell anything.

A different approach is to understand that your thoughts of what other people think of you are actually a perfect reflection of what you are thinking of other people. In other words you are judging people and this in turn causes you to think that people judge you in a similar way. A way out of this cycle is to let go your expectations, accept people as they are, accept yourself as you are (affirmations may help to achieve this). “Non judgment” is also known as “unconditional love”.

Do you see how it all comes together? Talk with other people about your and their personal issues (that is what we have friends for) and stretch yourself, expand your comfort zone. You will find out that other people actually have problems very similar to yours and on the inside are often very different from your expectation. This in turn will help you to stop judging people and yourself (to love other people and yourself unconditionally). Educate yourself not to become (more) knowledgeable but to understand your true human nature. Do not fall into the trap of believing that expert knowledge is everything you need in life.

Generally, the whole process of self improvement seems to be about moving from emotional patterns of fear to emotional patterns of to love.

Good luck!

Original forum topic: Confidence: How do you find it?

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