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I think i'm going to die alone

Talking about anything that doesn't fit into other categories of this personal development forum

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Re: I think i'm going to die alone

Post by developing_success on Sun May 24, 2009 4:15 pm

I agree Inspired, i have something to add to 3 and 4 from my point of view.

Inspired wrote:supermedo, D_S has probably given you the answers. I would only like to add that to make people like you, follow some simple steps.
3. Do some small acts to help them. In other words be known as a helpful guy. Everyone likes someone who is helpful.

4. Praise their actions to someone else. I don't mean you should flatter. Just tell someone else about the good work done, good academic performance, in general, be a harbinger of good news. This too will eventually reach them and they will love you for it. Please note again that this is not sycophancy. You are NOT expecting anything from those you praise, just spreading the word about their good performances.


3) Do not over due it, i helped my colleagues 12 years, i let them copy my homework, even make "custom made" homework for some classes, gave them a lot of pencils, helped them with the exam paper, if they needed something they got it. Guess with how many of them i'm still in touch? Close to 0, and the ones i am either because of common interest like working out in the gym or just a honest friend not because i helped them. Girls were not attracted to my good boy personality, i think they were saying: "I think this guy wants something from me since he wants nothing in return". I got some respect but no real friendship that lasted. So be careful, after you do some good deeds ask them to do some for you even if you can do them by yourself, if you just keep giving you will wake up regreting someday.
Maybe i'm a little upset about it, but it might save you some "bad feelings" :wink:

4) A lot of average people don't like it when somebody is better than them, they will envy him and see you a little suspicios ("Why is he praising that guy, what does he wins out of this?") because not many people do this.

I learned that it's better to do not open up with your dreams and goals to people who you know do not understand you, not only that they will not support you but they will make fun of you, and you really don't need it. Pretend to be average to average people and always seek the elite. Eben Pagan refered to these people as stars, stars that only other stars can see.

This is what i had to say, remember that IT'S YOUR CHOICE! 8-)
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Re: I think i'm going to die alone

Post by supermedo on Sun May 24, 2009 8:59 pm

Thank You inspired for the advice
i already do all what you have said
Well, there things i havenot said but i like the only person to turn to when they mess up something
or need to talk about something .
i became a peace maker , Well that made me Well respected , i don't mind to help people specialy
i helped to stop a real disaster between people that could lead to Huge Fight then i becam little famous as a peace maker
but i don't hear From my "Friends" only when :-
1-they are in trouble.
2-Exams are near .

ah well what can i do.
i'm happy with my life right now & myself
& i don't have a bad personality or anything
so i will leave to time & to god & to destiny to meet a real Good friend
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Re: I think i'm going to die alone

Post by Inspired on Sat Jun 13, 2009 10:33 am

In short, I can say, be happy for what you are. Everyone likes a person who keeps going no matter the situation. Cheerful people attract others while morose people repel others.

Each person is unique and it is no use trying to imitate somebody else. Who are we trying to hoodwink anyway?

We all get the "blues" and we tend to think like this, but I am glad that you snapped out of it.

@ d_s:

I agree that one shouldn't overdo things, no matter how good they are. I was thinking of a situation where you don't have to go out of the way to be helpful. Just be known as a nice guy. About friends who remember you only when they are in trouble, I can only say that such people exist everywhere. One cannot be selfish and introverted just because there is a possibility of coming across such people.

About the other point, I disagree. Cynical people are in millions. Just imagine someone congratulating you about a good performance in college or a good news about you which they heard about from your friend. Doesn't that make you feel good? About yourself and your friend? I repeat, that this is not to encourage flattery.

What you are doing is something like spreading rumours. In this case, this is good news and not something negative. After all, nobody thinks it unusual when somebody spreads rumours. Why should they think it otherwise in this case?

In case somebody thinks that way, then it is their problem, not mine.
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Re: I think i'm going to die alone

Post by smilodon on Sun Jun 14, 2009 1:23 am

Hello.

About friends only needing you when they are in trouble, do they help you in return if you need it ?
Do they want to hang out with you besides the help they need (you said you dodged a lot of calls for hanging out) ?

If the answer to any of these is yes, I do not see anything wrong with the situation.

Onward, most of my friends are not into any sports, except playing recreational basketball, tennis, or anything. I myself like to watch sports from time to time, and honestly I cant completely understand the bonding while watching sports, but I do understand it when we play together.

My stepfather often says that, people who are/have nothing else in life, are big sports fans, or big nationalists, and that is what they associate with.

Cars I honestly never understood, so I get what you mean when you say it is boring to listen to "car" or "sports" talk, but I don't remember it ever lasting "for hours" :P

I have learned some time ago, that you can have friendship with someone based on one thing. For example, when I was younger I used to play Counter Strike, and had friends with whom I did only that, then only have friends to play basketball, or go fishing, or talking about movies, or... they are certainly not your best friends, but that is socializing, and having fun with it. Just because you do not have a deep connection with them, does not mean it is not fun to "hang out".

You may discover that with some of the people you do only one thing with, you may have more things in common, and soon a deeper connection or friendship may develop.


Last thing on my mind in this long post - try and join a "club" or "project" or volunteer in graphic design for example, but exclusively where you will meet people who you share common interests with, and work together with them (this type of bonding is similar to that of playing sports).

Hope you were able to read this, and that it helped :)

Cheers, Igor.
"I have not failed, i've only found 265 ways that don't work."

"When I put my finger into your eye, you will have a finger in an eye and I will have a finger in an eye but it won't be the same."
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Re: I think i'm going to die alone

Post by Deft on Mon Sep 07, 2009 11:50 pm

There are resources to help you socialize out there.
I can see you are coming from a place of lack, and that is the main problem i think, because at the end of the day all you have is yourself, learn to like yourself, to feel good alone, not needing anything from anybody....
Learn to have fun with people, it is not like the sports, cars and football is all, its the vibe you put out, if you are a cool guy you can talk about anything, just be yourself, there is no need to talk about things other people like, talk about what you like, maybe if you find it easier be yourself around old people then you ultimately can be yourself everywhere.
Learn to not take jokes personally.
Get to the gym, get active.
Listen to Eckhart tolle and be present.
And the main advise I can give you is, fail, fail and fail again, if you really want it you can have it.
If you want to die alone, nobody is going to stop you.
it is you choice.
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