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get over social anxiety

Asking yourself right questions can often speed up your way towards the life of your dreams

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get over social anxiety

Post by johnny berba on Thu Nov 01, 2012 6:28 am

Comfort Zone

I spent most of my life in my comfort zone which at the time was all I ever knew. I guess in a strange sense that was where I felt safe but very unhappy at the same time. I always felt I had the ability to do more than I was currently doing but was too scared to take the first step which is ultimately coming out of my comfort zone. I guess this manifested into pretty much every area of my life as well as not having any women around me either. I remember always being fascinated by women and wondered what it was that they were really attracted to, definitely not me which at the time was my reality. When I look back at how I used to be it was all my own doing, although at the time I felt as if all women just disliked me and I would not even consider taking the risk of making the first simple step of just going up to a woman and saying hi. I think like all guys, I was aware of the high risk of getting rejected and did not even want to have to deal with that, so it was so much easier to not approach. I later found that this was the cause of all my problems not only with my dating life but in every area of my life, I did not come out of my comfort zone so I got literally no women.

It’s funny because I was always under the impression that you either have it or you don’t, which was my own philosophy towards my level of game with women, which by the way was zero. I used to watch guys in clubs who were decent looking, they were appearing to get the girls and I thought the reason for this was simply that they are attractive men, so that’s the way things worked and there was nothing I could do to change that. I guess we are so conditioned by society which constantly reminds us that we are not good enough, rich enough, attractive enough, so it’s just easier and I guess less painful to give up or not even try at all. I think at some stage or another we all need just a glimpse of inspiration or just a kick up the arse to wake us up from this bubble of negativity that we are living in.

This is exactly what happened to me, I was fortunate to meet a guy who was able to inspire me without even directly doing so, his name was Floyd and I still to this day call him the real natural. I meet up with him whilst trying to improve my physique at the local fitness centre which at the time was pretty scrawny and of course I blamed that on one of the reasons I was not able to get a date. Floyd was a very charismatic young man who did not seem to be under the same time-warp as everyone else was as he was very relaxed and slow paced and just seemed at ease with himself. I first noticed how sociable and playful he was with all the women at the gym, which for me was just mind blowing as I could not even ask a women the time as that would feel too intense. I noticed that he was not bothered by others around him and I guess that made him attractive to women as they do seem to notice a confident guy, which he clearly was. I soon discovered that although he did not use routines or scripted lines on women there were some principles that were definitely working for him and that was when I thought well maybe just maybe I too could learn some of what he was doing and just at least have the confidence to speak to a woman without feeling intense anxiety.

I finally decided enough was enough; I was tired of feeling rejected by women all the time and just feeling like a complete failure. I guess when you’re rock bottom the only way is up and that gave me a little hope to take the first step forward into self development and a better understanding with women. Floyd was kind enough to give me some hands on advice which seemed very minimal stuff, but I later realised that it was all I really needed, not some over-exaggerated pre-scripted routines that would likely creep the women out.

The things that Floyd taught me mainly involved being positive or at least giving off a positive vibe, which is what he did best and it was consistently working for him with the ladies. He also stressed not giving a damn what other people think about you i.e. when he was chatting up girls in all kinds of situations such as at shops, on the street, even at the hospital. It was amusing to see him in action, the way he spoke to women was as if he knew them for years and that was his own little method, he said if you could talk to a woman like you have known her for years she would treat you the same.

The main principles that Floyd taught me were:
â– Always being positive
â– Speaking your mind
â– Not caring about what others think around you
â– Listening to what a woman says so you can get a better sense of the interaction.
â– Not being fazed by rejection, rather seeing it as success for trying
â– Being very playful and not letting a woman throw you off by her reactions i.e. negative responses- sticking to your frame
■Seizing every opportunity that comes by i.e. hot girls walking down the street – go talk to her.. it’s that simple
■My first Daygame result – a lucky kiss close I always say!

I was out with Floyd one night, we were coming back from west London Harlesden, the chicken shop of all places and these two mature women made a passing comment and of course Floyd seized his chance by starting a playful conversation with them both. I was still very afc/shy at the time but feeling in good spirit from being around Floyd for a while so the hotter one started to make light fun of me as I was not talking and he was keeping the other one in her place as she was the more dominant out of the two. I don’t even fully remember how I’d managed to get in conversation with this woman but all of a sudden we where French kissing on the street and Floyd turned around and was like “wow shit you guys don’t waste no time” and her friend of course the ‘cock block’ was saying “Yazmin what you doing! you can’t kiss guys in the street!” eventually Floyd kept the ‘cock block’ on ice and I had managed to get my first number close!!!!

On the bus heading for home with Floyd I was buzzing with excitement and he was in his usually chilled relaxed state, he said “well done Johnny”. I had thanked him for all his good efforts, now of course the next step was to get in contact with Yazmin, which he said that I should text her, I did and she replied!!! “Hold on don’t overdo it” he told me, as I was planning to call her my bloody girlfriend..Well in the end we exchanged phone calls but she flaked on me and later told me I was too young and she had a boyfriend! No worries, women eh. To be honest I had experienced my first kiss close, number close and flake which for me was like hitting the jackpot, I had come out my comfort zone in every sense of the word, cheers Floyd.

Don't be afriad to come out your comfort zone!
johnny berba
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Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 6:23 am

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