Skip to content

Selfmadevip
Here is what our members say about us...
"Just joined this community and I must say that so far I am very impressed. I think this site will be of great benefit to me."
musicismypill, 30 Aug 2007 More testimonials can be found here

Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP

In this self improvement forum we help our members who search for mentor or go through challenges during their personal development

Moderator : developing_success


 

Re: Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP

Post by Lefty4237 on Sun Apr 12, 2009 12:43 am

Perhaps there is one emotion which you have learned to control. In turn, due to this control you have inadvertently numbed yourself to other emotions. From personal experience, I had anger issues which I learned to "control" and after years of priding myself in not displaying anger, I realized I couldn't get excited, happy or laugh about anything anymore either. I pretty much felt neutral about anything that happened.

I learned instead to catch the self-limiting thoughts and beliefs programmed into my subconscious and began releasing on these. Soon after I began experiencing intense emotions which often had me fighting back tears.

The anger also returned, but I have since learned of other ways to deal with it instead of trying to control the beast.

Hope this helps.
Lefty4237
Newbie
Newbie
 
Posts: 1
Thanks: 0
Joined: Sat Apr 11, 2009 11:47 pm

Re: Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP

Post by Balance on Mon Apr 13, 2009 12:57 pm

@billionairekid

I'm every intelectual ( :lol: )and have found myself trying to reproduce emotions with thougths before. After catching myself, I tried for a good amount of time to just feel and couldn't reproduce anything. I know I should feel things intelectually and still can't reproduce feelings.


I believe I just got too caught up in being intellectual all the time that I turned off my emotions somehow.


My take on emotions drastically changed a while ago...

I tried to be this intellectual guy to whom everything important in life is transparent - without "wasting too much time" on emotions. I used to kinda look down on emotions... to me it was part of our animal ancestry/evolution - a more "primitive" feature, a step "down" the ladder compared to our human intellect.


How ridiculous to think that way.:lol:
For me emotion and intellect seemed to be two competing forces in my own brain- either I gave in to my "primitive" emotional needs or my intellect won and I did the rationally "right" thing (needless to say that this incongruency often led to procrastination, tension and lack of self-discipline).
So this perception ensured a neverending conflict within myself:
-Either I felt guilty on an intellectual level for giving in to my emotional desires instead of following a more "rational" path.
-Or my emotional side felt neglected and constantly sabotaged my progress somehow.



When I finally had an epiphany about how human emotion and intellect work together, it blew me away.


What felt like a tedious battle between my conscious and subconscious mind turned more and more into a cooperative relationship at last. While there are still conflicts, most of the time I feel quite at peace with myself:
I scheduled strict working times and times of relaxation/fun & play time so both parts of my brain get satisfied and I can go to bed without being guilt-ridden for not working self-disciplined enough or the feeling of being "emotionally starved".



To me it seems that all our lives we humans are in pursuit of emotions.
And it actually appears to be the only major driving force*
(apart from our super-primitive reptilian part of the brain that's in charge of basic, less complex feelings of hunger, mating ect.)


To better understand what I mean let's apply the roboter/computer-analogy to ourselves.

Imagine a primitive CPU like a chess computer - it's sort of like an extremely primitive reptilian brain or even insect brain: Almost like a clockwork it carrys out very basic functions without any emotional rewards. It's just doing what it's designed to do, without any learning component whatsoever and therefore probably no "emotional reward system". (Search for the Digger Wasp experiment - it's a really good example for that kind of behavior)

If we were to design a learning robot that interacts smarter with its environment however, we would need to program the software to reward "good behavior" and punish "bad behavior".
So here emotions come in - the mammal part of the brain is capable of learning by getting rewarded or punished. While most emotional reactions are hardwired from birth, additional ones can be learned and hardwired ones can be overwritten. A good example is dog training - everyone who has or knows a dog recognizes, that they in fact have emotions and can be trained. Police dogs and other dogs get trained to astonishingly sophisticated standards.

We humans carry the reptilian and mammal brains within our skulls as well as the biggest part - the cognitive part. This is where our intellect sits and takes up a stupendously large amount of space for a comparatively embarrassing intellectual performance.


The bottom line of this lengthy story is that there seem to be no such things as "intellectual needs".
Our human needs are apparently of emotional nature only, while our intellect is just a tool by which we try to satisfy our reptilian and emotional desires. Behaviors that seem to be "intellectually rewarding" are in fact emotionally rewarding. Even complex intellectual "needs" like philosophy or teaching boil down to "primitive" emotional desires like "the emotional reward for learning/realizing something new" or "the reward for being socially valued/ self-esteem".


By treating my intellect like a tool to gain access to more rewarding, stronger and longer lasting emotions, I increased my life-quality quite a bit. Not only because this insight broke my cycle of guilt and conflict between parts of my brain, but also because of the degree of cooperation between my conscious and my subconscious and the somewhat good results it produces.


Anyway, that's how I see emotions - simple origin but powerful potential.

...so if you want to experience stronger emotions, possible "solutions" might be to intensify the stimulus, lengthen the timespan between two emotionally rewarding actions (s** for example). You could try out such "cheap" tricks to see if it makes a noticeable difference... but just intensifying emotions might not be what's the problem here I guess.

If you would say that you are incapable of having emotions I'd have a hard time to believe that, but there might indeed be quite a lot of stuff that might cause a "numbness" in emotional sensitivity. It might be as stupendously simple as some kind of chemical or hormonal imbalance or even a genetic tendency for depression. (Try eating a lot of omega-3 rich fish. You would expect Iceland to be a place that sucks a lot because it is so cold there and the residents should suffer from what we call "winter depression" a lot. But apparently they don't - their secret lies in the kind an quantity of fish that they eat. (Source: "Jungle Effect"))

Another simple solution might be to quiet down your mind now and then.
If I just get outside in nature or play a bit of sport (!) I am just happy - of cause not to an ecstatic degree but I feel good and I would say happy. It's a bit like meditating - by shifting my mental focus from everyday troubles to something fun and engaging for a while. I would be quite surprised if that has no effect on you.

My idea of "how to achieve happiness" was (and to a large extent still is) to acquire stuff and skills that should -from the "evolutionary psychology" viewpoint- make my brain produce precious "happy-stuff". But it is not quite as simple as that it seems to me now...



I guess there is this subtle feeling of "I feel well" that can be present all the time within you and takes a subtle influence on all the decisions you make weather conscious or not. It might fluctuate a bit but overall it seems to be consistent...

Knowledge plays a major part for me in producing this overall "good" feeling wherever I go.
Sometimes I see insects buzzing and I drool over their insane complexity and the beautifully streamlined body and behavior, I just enjoy looking at them. I feel that way because knowledge somehow brings me peace of mind - I know why those things exist and why they do what they do and I know why I exist and what I want to do. I certainly don't know everything or even "that much" - but I know about everything that I hold to be truly important. At least I strongly think I know.

Religious people also think that they know... and often they say that's how "the presence of god" feels.
A deep "all-is-good" feeling in the guts. I disagree on that because obviously I feel exactly the same.
So I guess this subtle feeling comes from some sort of "peace of mind" about the ever-urging question "why is all this strange stuff around me and what part do I play in this picture?". And while your answer to that question might be fatally wrong, it doesn't make that much of a difference in terms of "well-being" as long as your picture of reality is somehow "optimistic" or "positive".



On the other hand there also seem to be those other, more ecstatic and intense, but also quite short feelings of happiness that mainly arise through interaction with your environment -winning a game of beachvolleyball, having amazing s**, jumping out of a plane with a parachute on your back etc... this kind of happiness definitely should be turned into a habit.

The slow and long lasting candle vs. the big and short "strawfire" seem to be a good analogy for those different "kinds" of happiness. I suspect the first one comes from introspection, knowledge, a positive orientation and optimism and the other one comes from developing a good set of "life-skills" that manage to manipulate situations & your environment in a (genetically or hedonistically) beneficial way for you - which causes your brain to reward you for that.


Also there's a "secret ingredient": Other people.
You surely know the difference between watching comedy with your friends vs. watching it alone.
The same effect applies to pretty much everything else you do - weather you do it alone or together with others has a strong effect. Other people amplify your own feelings - if you lead a poor social life and don't interact all that much with other people, you shouldn't be surprised about the lack of strong emotions. Other people provide the gasoline for your own emotional flames.

Hope this helped or inspired a solution somehow. :happy:
[/desire for being socially valuable & expressing myself]

Image
User avatar
Balance
SMV Club
SMV Club
 
Posts: 37
Thanks: 56
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2009 1:03 pm

Re: Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP

Post by billionairekid18 on Mon Apr 13, 2009 4:08 pm

Lefty4237 wrote:Perhaps there is one emotion which you have learned to control. In turn, due to this control you have inadvertently numbed yourself to other emotions. From personal experience, I had anger issues which I learned to "control" and after years of priding myself in not displaying anger, I realized I couldn't get excited, happy or laugh about anything anymore either. I pretty much felt neutral about anything that happened.

I learned instead to catch the self-limiting thoughts and beliefs programmed into my subconscious and began releasing on these. Soon after I began experiencing intense emotions which often had me fighting back tears.

The anger also returned, but I have since learned of other ways to deal with it instead of trying to control the beast.

Hope this helps.


Wow! That is all I can say. This is precisely what happened to me. I had anger issues, controlled the anger, and in that control I locked everything else away too. I also prided myself on now displaying anger anymore. Then I found myself basically in a permanent state of control. Since opening up, I've let the anger back in but I have a much better way of dealing with it.
billionairekid18
SMV Club
SMV Club
 
Posts: 97
Thanks: 37
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 8:09 pm

Re: Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP

Post by billionairekid18 on Mon Apr 13, 2009 4:16 pm

Balance, that was a great post! I really do thank you for that. I've started to understand more since I wrote the original post and have become more perseptive to emotion, lol. Coincidentally, I've also hung around more people.

I really think the last part is something I need to work on. I need to hang around more people. I'm around the same people day after day after day. I think this has a great effect on my emotional stimulation. I never thought about that until now, after I read your post. Great stuff.

I am also particularly interested in the affects of long term emotions versus short term emotion. I had never thought about that before. I think I could be chasing short term emotions and that's why I only achieve short term results. I don't have the long term motivation to continue.
billionairekid18
SMV Club
SMV Club
 
Posts: 97
Thanks: 37
Joined: Tue Mar 03, 2009 8:09 pm

Re: Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP

Post by trduraikamaraj on Sun May 16, 2010 2:28 am

I think it will (audio) also helpAnthony Robbins - Master your Emotions----File size: 22.2 MB
Code: Select all
To see the coded text you need to launch the countdown. Waiting time for guests: 5mins, registered users have NO WAITING TIME. More information is in our SMV FAQ.
Click here to launch the countdown and view the coded text...

Please log in to see coded text...
http://rapidshare.com/files/601283934/ Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP .zip
http://rapidshare.com/files/361174213/ Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP .zip
http://rapidshare.com/files/195603555/ Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP .zip
Please log in to see coded text...
http://rapidshare.com/files/296346952/ Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP .zip
http://rapidshare.com/files/926121905/ Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP .zip
http://rapidshare.com/files/242653766/ Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP .zip
Please log in to see coded text...
http://rapidshare.com/files/922180922/ Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP .zip
http://rapidshare.com/files/403510768/ Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP .zip
http://rapidshare.com/files/606538803/ Can't feel my emotions. PLEASE HELP .zip


No Password
First, believe in the world--that there is meaning behind everything.
User avatar
trduraikamaraj
SMV Club
SMV Club
 
Posts: 15
Thanks: 1582
Joined: Sat Feb 13, 2010 7:13 am
Location: salem,india

Facebook comments

Previous Next

Return to Help Me with & Success Coaching...

 


  • Related topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests

Top Sections